Are Women Taking Over The World?

It was Memorial Day week-end, and something I've enjoyed for many years, is to watch the Indianapolis 500 race! I'm not, necessarily, a racing fan, but I live in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and it is home to the famous Unser racing family. Between them, they have NINE Indy 500 wins...four victories for Al Unser, Sr who is tied with A.J. Foyt and Rick Mears for most Indy wins; three wins for his brother Bobby Unser; and two wins for Al's son...Little Al. Because of this, I watched the race, to pull for the Unser family of racers!

There has always been a woman in the race for the past several years, and that's the way it should be. If a woman and her team can qualify, give her the wheel. But, this year was different! All 33 drivers in this field were women...that's right, women! Scary, eh?

I watched on television, as so many other racing fans did across the country...and I couldn't believe my eyes. I must have looked like a ree full of owls, watching television! Not only the 33 drivers were women, but all the pit crews were women, too! The 300,000 fans in the stands were all women; the broadcasters were women; the reporters were women; there was a peanut girl; a popcorn girl; a soft drink girl...NOT A MAN IN SIGHT! What's going on here? I thought to myself! There were no men anywhere to be seen!

My eyes were glued to the television set, as I could not imagine 33 women drivers, racing at the Indy 500...all doing over 200 miles per hour! I DIDN'T WANT TO WATCH...but I had to!

Nothing like this had ever happened before, so I went to the newspaper the day of the race, to read more about it, and to get the starting line-up. One of the headlines in the sports page read, Record speed set at Indianapolis 500 of 287.5 miles per hour! WOW! We've got some lead-foots out there! There was not even e man in the stands...nowhere to be seen! Could women be taking over the world...I thought to myself! As I read the newspaper, the Indy field of the 33 drivers went like this:

Row 1; (Pole) Robyn Hood; Carole Carroll; Kitty Litter

Row 2; Elaine Mulhane; Candice Piper; Billie Goat

Row 3; April Showers; Tiffiny Holbrooke; Savannah Georgia

Row 4; Kandy Barr; Heidi Smith; Madison Avenue

Row 5; Carmen Sanchez; Crystal Ball; Pat Ludwig

Row 6; Sparkle Plenty; Phyliss Acherman; Penny Arcade

Row 7; Misty Moonlight; Gloria Campos; Angela Johnson;

Row 8; Joanne Kellogg; Susan SuranWrap; Billie Marten

Row 9; Heather Stratton; Mia Culpa; Georgia Onmymind

Row 10; Kim Singleton; Theresa Rodrigues; Betty Krocker

Row 11; Brooke Trout; Jennifer Wright; Monica Raynor

LADIES...START YOUR ENGINES!

Laying rubber and smoke everywhere...these women meant business, as the race got started! And, I must have looked like a ree full of owls, as I watched the race on television! Thirty three women race car drivers...all in one place, doing over 200 miles! I was scared to death! I had to look away at the start! But, unlike the men, who would have transmissions, radiators and fuel pumps in the stands at the start, and tires bouncing off the clouds...the women were doing pretty good! They didn't drive like the men drivers, and there were no accidents...and everything ran smoothly!

I've never seen paint jobs like this on racing cars...pink; lavender; purple; gold, etc. One car was painted pink, with dollar signs all over it; one light yellow car, with pictures of the woman's kids all over it; one purple car with diamonds all over it...W-O-O-O-O-O-O-W! Talk about creative! And, I saw NO ads on the cars for auto parts; gas and oil companies, etc. All the ads I saw on the women's cars were for: credit card companies; diamond/jewelry stores; shopping malls; hair coloring companies; cosmetic companies; powder puff companies; finger-nail polishing companies...baby food companies...W-O-O-O-O-W!

Smoke and tire marks all over the race track, as the race went on and on for over three hours, and finally, the last lap...and it boiled down to a race between Candy Barr and Susan Suranwrap. This was a fight to the finish...they were neck and neck turning the fourth corner! One driver would take the lead...and then the other...and then the other...back and forth they went...the crowd was going wild! Down the stretch they came, as they were now side by side, almost touching wheels...as they screamed past the finish line in a cloud of smoke! The crowd was loving it!

Three hundred thousand women, were on their feet rooting them on...and by a few tenths of a second...the 87th running of the Indianapolis 500 race was won by ...Susan SuranWrap...who took the pink and white checkered flag! People in the stands were jumping up and down; screaming and yelling...going crazy! What a day!

A drive to the winner's circle, was unusal because the traditional black and white winners flag/markings were gone, and replaced with a pink and white flag...splashed with a touch of lavender! Gone, too, was the traditional drink of milk for the victory, as it would now be champagne! On her win, Susan SuranWrap took a swig of champagne...sprayed the bottle of champagne all over everyone around her...high fives for everyone...as she accepted the trophy! Finishing at a distant third was Kitty Litter...and Robyn Hood, and Sparkle Plenty rounded out the top five!

Boy...what a terrible night I was having! I couldn't get to sleep...I tossed and turned all night! I was huffing and puffing, as sweat poured down my face...as I sat up in bed! I was having a nightmare about women taking over the world...women taking over the the Indy 500, too! As I sat up in bed...I wiped my brow...and, I was relieved that was only a BAD DREAM!

My Author's Den: Here, you can get additional information about where my articles have been published (35+ websites), and the latest news, etc. http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewnews.asp?AuthorID=10885&id=14589 - Website name; humordoctormd - Over 200 colorful pages; over 500 graphics http://www.humordoctormd.homestead.com email; humordoctor@aol.com - humordoctormd@yahoo.com

Copyright Jerry L. Aragon (The Humor Doctor); 2006